DH says I'm making things to sequential. that I shouldn't think of it as when I get to this point then I can... He wants me to think more about how I need to start riding more now and building up. OK I can see his point. I'm not ruling out riding more now. even doing some long weekend ride/camping stuff. The problem I have is that We live in OREGON. Flat isn't flat here. Hauling an extra 80+ lbs of me up a hill of any size isn't something I can do. Shoot there is one small grade on the way home from pretty much any, where that I often have to get off and push. It's not even a hill. When you stand on your pedal to push to go up a hill and the tire spins it doesn't work. You don't go. Gravity is not my friend. So where in Oregon am I going to go for a weekend bike trip? http://oregonstate.edu/~coltonc/page3.htm Do you see the green area? I live in that green sort of flat green area. It's not flat. Not flat enough for me to ride, be comfortable and enjoy the ride. Sure I'll try. I'll give anything a try. But I don't hold out a lot of hope at this point that I will be able to make it. That's why I want to lose at least 50 lbs before trying any really long rides. I'm afraid if I fail, if I really hate it, I will just give up. I want this to work. I want to do this.
I need to have a goal that I can make. All my life I've been told "you can't do that", "you won't finish that", "You'll never... " All failure does is re enforce the people that told me those things. I need to succeed away from those people. I can't fail. If I fail they are right. It's lovely that my DH thinks I can do this. I'd love him for that even if I didn't have many other reasons to love him. But I need to be able to take steps. Small steps. Because this is important to me and to my family, I can't afford to fail this time.
Yuck. No whining. I need to get over this virus, feel better and get back to my more positive "can do" mind set. I can do this. I will do this. Just because it's hard doesn't mean I can't do it. Sorry Mythbusters Failure is not an option.